True Believer
by Jedi's Pal
Summary: "I believed from my first day of training with the CIA. I thought all they stood for was right, even after they burned me. I gave up everything – and I wasted my life for a lie." What happens when Michael Westen is pushed to his breaking point and beyond. Written in collaboration with Amanda Hawthorn.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_So here for the first time is a collaboration with the fabulous author and our friend Amanda Hawthorn. This story is in three parts and is full of SPOILERS for S7.11 & 7.12. We have each taken a character and written from their point of view one part of the tale of what happens after Michael's confession to James Kendrick. We welcome your guesses as to who has written which character._

_We hope our group speculation helps to fill the gap while we all wait an extra week to find out what happens next in this wild ride Matt Nix is taking us on. Much love to all of you out there who feel as heartbroken over the ending of this show as we do._

_So, to all the burners out there: the padded cells are being restocked, the strait jackets dry cleaned and the boxes of tissues are stacked in one corner along with the valium, the chocolates and copious amounts of wine. Much love and peace to you all._

_()()()()()()()()()()_

**Sam**

"_I was never good at taking orders, Sam. That's why you were a soldier and I was a spy."_

And therein lay the truth of their relationship. The were both patriots, both devoted to their country, both men who had killed for their country, to protect it, to help keep it safe.

But Michael was a spy, who lived in the murky world of deceit, who had to pretend he was someone he wasn't until it was time to act on where his true loyalties lay. Sure, he had done the disinformation campaigns, he'd done some undercover, but he was always the same man, he was always Chuck Finley, who was just another facet of who Sam Axe was.

"_Mike is not a traitor," he'd told Jesse point blank._

Jesse hadn't been able to look him in the face until after he'd said it, but he'd said it just the same.

"_You need to wake up."_

While they'd sat there in that car in the Miami heat, even as the younger man had said it, Sam'd denied it in his head. He'd worked with Michael Westen, he knew Michael Westen... Army Ranger... CIA Operative...

Best Friend...

"_He's just getting what he deserves, Sam."_

"_Hey, I'm no friend of Cabral, the guy almost killed me. I'm just concerned that you're enjoying this a little too much."_

"_Enjoying this? I've been working on this job for almost a year, Sam."_

"_And that's what I'm worried about. Look, I'm your best friend. I can see that look in your eye. This guy James is getting to you. They all are."_

He had waited, almost holding his breath, waiting to see if his friend would deny it all and say he was okay, just give the _do what I have to do_ speech.

But to his immense surprise, Michael had admitted why he'd wanted him on this job, admitted that there was something not right going on and that he needed Sam's help.

"_I know... That's why I need you here. I know who James is, I know who Sonya is. But it's difficult to work so hard to be part of something, knowing you have to destroy it. These people believe in what they're doing. I'm sorry I'm putting you in this situation. But, I don't think I can do this alone."_

"_You don't have to, brother."_

As they had sat in yet another car, sweating in a tropical paradise, Sam had been relieved to hear Mike acknowledge that he needed the support and the ex-SEAL was happy to help. Up until that moment, he'd been mighty worried about what James and crew had done to the spy to make_ that man run back_ into that house willingly. Yeah, he'd seen Mike worse physically, but this...

That had scared the hell out of him after he'd realized exactly what his buddy had been running back to: _people with a clear purpose_... Like all sociopaths, they thought they were on the one true path, but Michael Westen couldn't exist without a purpose, without loyalties...

"_If we don't stop him now, there won't be a Michael left to save."_

And as he'd pulled up on that bridge, Sam Axe had been praying there was enough of his best buddy left to save. He'd been shocked when a bearded, haunted ghost who happened to look like Mike had gotten out of that car months ago, after he'd cut them off to keep them from walking into an ambush.

"_This is how I find out my best friend is still alive?"_

But the sight of the dark haired man who'd been scowling at him on that bridge had almost made Sam sick with fear.

"Mike, hey Mikey, what the hell happened, brother?" he'd demanded.

_He knew that look, he knew it all too well. Sam had seen it in Bosnia, Serbia, Chechnya..._

"Hell, Mike, can't you even say _hi_ any more? We've been worried sick about you. Where have you been? Strong is out for your blood, brother, you gotta come in now."

_Damn Strong, that arrogant asshole, that idiot who'd almost gotten them all killed more than once, for pushing Mike too hard and too far. _

"Dammit, Mike, talk to me!" His hand had landed on Mike's arm and the younger man had stiffened. "Is this about the CIA using Simon?"

"_He'd tried to blow up half of Miami! You're working with a monster!" And then the bastard had dared to compare him to Mike._

Sam had hated what Strong had done, too, but one rotten CIA agent shouldn't have been enough to send Mike off the rails. Except, it hadn't been just _one_ rotten CIA agent...

"_He killed my brother. He was going to get away with it. I had no choice."_

Mike had gone in shut down mode as Sam had stood there arguing with him, trying to make him see sense, trying to get him to realize what he was buying into.

"Jesus, Mike, can you hear yourself? That's just James gettin' into your head. Please tell me you're not falling for his crap?"

"And working for the people who freed Simon and gave him a job, that's a better choice? You know what he was, what he did – _and they just freed him_."

Yes, Strong had screwed up, the CIA had screwed up, but he couldn't let his friend make the biggest mistake of his life... AGAIN... because of the mistakes of other men. But Sam had already known Mike was past talking and what it was going to take to bring him around.

_Not bad, Mike. You can hit me all you want, but I'm going to stand here until you get your head back in the game._

"Not a chance, brother. You think I'm gonna let you do this? Let you walk away -"

He had gotten in the first blow, but Mike had been more determined that he had counted on. Sam grappled with the younger man until they had both gone over the railing and into the muddy waters below.

He had been a SEAL; he'd been confident that even though Mike was younger and a combat diver as well, his years of experience would give him the edge and their years of friendship would keep Mike from really fighting him in a life or death situation.

Until a vicious kick to his solar plexus had knocked all the air out of him in a rush and only his years of training had allowed him the discipline not to inadvertently suck water back in.

Until a blow to the head had hit him hard enough to make him see stars and lose his orientation, such that he had not been sure which way was up.

Until he'd seen a sight he would have never believed... his best friend had swum away and left him to drown...

And that was why he was standing there, wet in the body, but chilled to his soul, telling Fiona and Jesse the one thing he thought he'd never say about Michael Westen...

"It's too late. He's lost."

_()()()()()()()()()()_

**Michael**

He had nothing left. He had given everything he had and apparently it still wasn't enough... well, no more.

At the sight of Sam, Jesse and Strong creeping ever closer to the boat shed, ready to lay their ambush, he'd come to a sudden decision.

He couldn't do it any more.

He couldn't be the man they all wanted him to be.

He had been a true believer. He had believed in his country, his government and the agency he had loyally... no, blindly served. But he couldn't do it any longer and it had taken a mad man to open his eyes and show him the truth.

"_They got me outta the box almost as soon as you put me in it," Simon had informed him. "I've been working for them for... oh, going on two years, off the books naturally. They drop me into hotspots when they need somebody to get their hands dirty.." _

And that was when the monster had parted the veil and exposed the dirty little lie he had been living.

"_Wake up, Michael. Guys like us, we're weapons. As long as we're useful, they're always gonna want to take us out to play."_

That's all he was to them, all he had ever been, and they would never let him go. He saw it clearly now. He had been a naïve fool. He had wasted his whole life on an ideal that didn't exist. Larry had tried to tell him the same thing years ago, but he had refused to believe the words of a psychopath.

"_They put us out there, they tell us the end justifies the means and, sooner or later, we believe them."_

The end justify the means. He was surprised Agent Strong hadn't used that particular line on him yet...

Maybe if he had been willing to let James and Sonya walk into that ambush outside of the boatyard, the CIA agent would have used it to explain his use of Simon Escher as a team leader.

"_If you fail, you and your friends, your mother, you all go back to prison."_

"_If this operation is blown, I'll bury you."_

"_You do whatever you have to."_

"_Just do the job."_

_Just do the job_, regardless of the cost, because what is happening to you, however much my orders are damaging your mind and soul, that doesn't matter.

"_They took your life away," Larry reminded him, his voice filled with frustration that his Kid refused to come out to play. "And then they release animals like Simon to do the jobs nobody else wants to do. Can you really be sure Vaughn isn't out there somewhere, too?"_

At least Larry had been honest. He had never hid who or what he was, unlike himself or the government he serves - served. "_I'm a weapon, baby. I don't need some government aiming me. I put people down, I put some cash in my pocket. So what?"_

Michael opened his eyes and sucked in a deep breath, the car was coming to a stop thirty feet away from him. The engine idling for a moment while the driver decided if it was safe to get out.

_This was it,_ He had chosen his path. He wasn't going to be CIA's weapon any more. If they could free a monster like Simon... If they could use him and justify letting him kill for them...

They no longer deserved his loyalty.

"_When we find a monster, we don't make a deal with it. We destroy it."_

He held no doubts that James was a killer. But the man' beliefs were pure, which was more than could be said for Agent Strong and, if what Simon had said was true, the whole of the CIA. Strong was only the last in a long line of agents who had wanted somebody else to do their dirty work.

His belief in the agency, in what he was doing, that it was right and proper, had been the only shining light in the world of darkness and deceit he had been thrown into. Without that light to show him the way, without hope, there was nothing to bring him back. He hadn't lied when he told Sonya he had nothing left, that he had lost it all. _Duty, honor and the sacred calling of - whatever,_ as Fiona would have said.

His friends had all moved on, built new lives. They might have missed him during brief spells of nostalgia, but they had been happy. _Until _he had returned as the agency's latest slightly tarnished toy and slowly but surely dragged them all back into the mire with him.

Yes, they had been there for him, especially Sam and Jesse, backing him up and thank God for them being there when his CIA master made another one of his many tactical errors. If it wasn't for them all, he would have died at least three times by his own count since returning to Miami.

But he couldn't be with them, not any more. They still believed in honor and, by his actions, in his blind obedience to following orders, he had lost that privilege.

He remembered the peace that had settled over him when Sonya had held the gun to his head, asking James if he was finished. He had tilted his head upwards and, with the warmth of the sun on his face, he had closed his eyes, yearning for the mercy of a quick death.

But then James had offered him something else, had shown him a different path. Not one of governments and agencies and bigger pictures, but a pure path with no shades of grey. James told him he was half way there already; aiding their escape had been the first step and now, by exposing himself as a spy, he had taken the second.

The man who had been his enemy forgave his betrayal and offered him a new purpose. And all he had to do was let go of the past, all of it: friends, family, old alliances. He promised him a new family, where he would only find acceptance and support and all he would have to give in return was honesty and his loyalty.

He had wanted death, but instead James gave him a new life.

"_I am the only one whoever believed in you. I made you. I am in your head. Everybody thought you had the heart of a boyscout, but I saw your true colors," Larry whispered in his head._

Now somebody else had seen his true colors and they too believed in him. What did he have left to lose? Were the things James asked of him any worse than those ordered by Strong?

"_I can't do this any more. Burke nearly had me kill a child," he had pleaded to be released from the deal he had agreed._

"_But you didn't," had been the flat uncaring response._

"_I have to shoot a friend."_

"_So what do you want me to do? Hold your hand?"_

"Mike, hey Mikey, what the hell happened, brother?"

Michael push himself away from the safety barrier he had been leaning against and straightened up to face the man who was striding angrily towards him. He heard the concern in his friend's voice, but he also heard the disappointment, too.

They thought that James had gotten to him, that Sonya had seduced him. That he had fallen into the trap of many deep cover operations and lost himself in the cover... They were wrong and he was going to have to do something pretty drastic to make them back off.

"_So, what do you think will happen to your friends now, Michael?" James had asked him. "They will pay for your actions. Can you live with that?"_

_Ashamed, he had lowered his head. "No, I have to -" he had choked, too numb to think clearly. Only five minutes earlier, he had been welcoming a traitor's death._

"_Don't worry, we'll help you," his leader had promised. "You look tired, Michael. Get some rest. We'll talk later."_

_And later, they had sat down and James told him him what he had to do._

It was just as James had foreseen. They would send his best friend to bring him back into the fold.

"Hell, Mike, can't you even say _hi_ any more? We've been worried sick about you. Where have you been? Strong is out for your blood, brother, you gotta come in now."

He smiled sadly, knowing this was goodbye, and it had to be done in such a way that the CIA would be left with no doubt it was useless to hang the lives of his friends and family over his head. If it was clear he no longer cared for them, they would be safe.

He looked over his friend's shoulder to where Sonya was hidden with her sniper rifle, ready to back him up if Sam hadn't kept his word and had brought back up along to force his surrender.

"Dammit, Mike, talk to me!" Sam's hand landed on his arm and he stiffened. "Is this about the CIA using Simon?"

He finally made eye contact, hardening his heart. It had to be this way. "I got your message, Sam. What do you want?" He kept his tone flat and neutral.

"What do I want?! I wanna to know what the hell's happened to my best friend! We had both James and Sonya dead to rights and all you hadda do to end this mess was send 'em out the back door. Strong is saying you've gone rogue. Your ma is scared sick she's goin' back in that holding cell."

_His mom_... His mother still hated him. He had seen it in her eyes. She might have tried on occasion to be civil, but that's all it was... civility. She had Charlie to think of now, a new child to care for. She wouldn't miss him.

He had understood when she had asked him to stay away, though it had hurt. It was _another_ rejection. She said he was too dangerous, that she had to think of what was best for Charlie and she was right._ It was just a shame she had never thought to throw out that dangerous man who'd been living in the house when he and Nate were kids._

What had hurt more was he knew from the CIA bugs still in his mother's house how often she'd had Fiona and her now ex-boyfriend Carlos around for dinner and also of Carlos' private little heart to hearts which had made it very plain where her loyalties lay.

"_I was his mother. It was my job to protect him from YOU," __th__e vitriol in her tone crushing him._

"_Carlos, it isn't my place to tell you this. But if you want to keep Fiona, you should take her as far away from Miami as you can."_

"_I've got Charlie, now... You do what you have to and I'll do what have to."_

A bullet to his heart would have been a kindness. It would have certainly have saved him from the truth of his life.

And his leaving would surely make Fiona happy. She had made it abundantly clear she had a new life, an exciting job, a home.

"_I can't just drop everything for you, not any more."_

"_I can't owe my freedom to you."_

"_It's already over."_

"_I have a new life."_

She had made it very plain she wanted no part of him... until she'd needed him to save her boyfriend from certain death and then she had been only too happy to take Sonya's help also. At least she hadn't tried to blame Carlos leaving her on their actions to save his life. He sighed. She wouldn't be alone for long... And once he left town, she would be free to stay without having to worry about him dragging her into his mess.

"You'll all be fine, Sam. None of you can be held responsible for my actions this time. You should be happy. You can go back to Elsa, knowing you're in the clear." He crushed his friend mercilessly and he looked him in the eye while doing it. "I've seen the light, I've seen what a waste my life has been. That-"

"Jesus, Mike, can you hear yourself? That's just James gettin' into your head. Please tell me you're not falling for his crap?"

"And working for the people who freed Simon and gave him a job, that's a better choice? You know what he was, what he did – _and they just freed him_."

"You're not thinking clearly, fella. Yeah, Simon was a mistake and I told Strong that as soon as I found out. But you still have to come in and speak to the bastard, straighten this mess out. Hell, go over the idiot's head and talk to Raines."

Michael shook his head.

"_I need the unstoppable sonuvabitch I recruited."_

"_I want the old Michael Westen, the man before the burn notice and the extended stay in Miami."_

What both men had really meant to say was they wanted the man who had cut a bloody path through Russia and Serbia and all stops in between and did it all with a smile on his face and a song in his heart.

They wanted _Larry's Kid_, the _Terror of Kiev, _the Agency's _Unstoppable Bastard._ Taking care of black ops that were never officially sanctioned... Kill orders... Extreme Renditions... doing whatever it took to get the job done and no questions asked. He had done every dirty job they had given him and they had thrown him out and abandoned him... Until they needed him again.

He swallowed and took a step back. "Time to go Sam and don't come looking for me."

"Not a chance, brother. You think I'm gonna let you do this? Let you walk away -"

He had misjudged Sam's determination. He turned and his cheek ran straight into Sam's large fist and, as pain exploded in his face, the last piece of left of Michael Westen broke...

He would not be dragged back into a life in chains, to be the agency's toy, to end his days being just like Simon Escher. He blocked the next blow and threw a punch of his own and that was when they toppled over the rail and into the murky water below.

Sam was a former SEAL, but _he_ was a combat diver. They twisted and turned in the water, each trying to get the upper hand. He was also younger, stronger and filled with a pure burning desire to show both his old and new companions where his loyalties lie.

He landed a solid kick to Sam's stomach forcing the air from his opponents lungs and followed it up with a glancing blow to the head hard enough to stun the former SEAL long enough so he could make his escape.

Michael swam away as fast as he could and didn't look back.

_()()()()()()()()()()_

**Fiona**

Gulping in deep lungfulls of air, Fiona tried to calm her raging heartbeat and the confusion that rampaged her body. Part of her didn't believe what Sam had told her only a short time ago. No matter how deep Michael was in his cover, she never once believed that he would turn his back on the CIA…or on all of them.

Grief had given way to anger a long time ago and she couldn't decide whether she wanted to beat the crap out of him or kill him on the spot. He'd hurt everyone he was supposed to love by his actions and he'd doomed them to a life behind bars. She had no doubt in her mind that she would be shipped back to Ireland and arrive in a box before she reached dry land. But that wasn't what hurt the most.

She'd had time to mourn the relationship she'd had with Carlos, but she hadn't been grief stricken like she had been when she'd lost Michael. That's when it had hit her, full on and impossible to deny…_she was still in love with Michael Westen, even after everything that had happened._

And how could she not be? Only just over a year ago, she had turned herself in to the FBI after she'd killed Larry. She had given up her life, knowing that it had been the only way for her to free him from Anson's grasp. But now it felt like the whole experience had been for nothing. Could they really have drifted so far away from the people they were a few years ago? They had been willing to die together, to go down fighting in a hail of bullets just so they could never be apart…

Taking the stairs two at a time, she raced upwards, following Sam's directions to where Michael was headed. She had no idea what she was going to say to him and she was pretty sure she would be saying hello with her fists. Her breath hurt in her lungs as she pushed her body to extreme limits in her race to reach the top of the last flight of stairs.

Sam's words rang inside her head as she ran, repeating over and over…_it's too late. _She would never believe Michael would betray all of them like this, not after they'd had his back for so many years… but when she reached the top of the stairs and pushed the door open, she knew in her heart that Sam was right.

She saw Michael's head whip around to face her, his eyes devoid of emotion. There was no trace of the man she had loved for so many years, but she had no doubt that she could pull him back from the brink of whatever dark pit he was slipping in to.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he snarled, the venom in his voice taking her by surprise.

The anger that had been welling inside her for so many months suddenly bubbled to the surface and she found herself charging towards him, throwing a full punch into his stomach.

He retaliated and shoved her backwards, the force of it causing her to topple to the ground.

She shot him a scathing glare and was on her feet within seconds, shoving him back with all of her might. His actions caused her anger to flare, fuelling her movements as she landed another punch into his chest, followed by another to his chin.

"YOU BASTARD!" she yelled when he caught her fist in his hand and pushed her back.

"Leave Fiona," he barked when she came towards him again. "Just—"

"You expect me to leave now?" she asked in frustration as she stepped towards him again. "You didn't just turn your back on the CIA, you turned your back on us! We're supposed to be your friends!"

"_Friends?_" Turning his head back to face her, he laughed humourlessly when he waved his hand in her direction. "_You_?"

"What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?"

"YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME!"

"_Why?_" she hissed. "This is because I didn't wait for you? Are you kiddin' me? YOU LEFT."

"I had no—"

"You had no choice?" she finished his sentence for him, anger dripping from her words. "You promised me this would all be over. You told me in Panama we were going to start again—"

"I couldn't keep that promise and you know why," he snapped, his eyes becoming accusing as he glared at her. "And you did okay without me, _didn't_ you?"

"For _your_ information I didn't start seeing Carlos until _five_ months ago. _You left_…AGAIN… What was I supposed to do? Sit in a burned out shell of what used to be _our_ home and wait for you to remember I was here?"

"So you found a replacement?"

"So did you…" Fiona's voice dropped to a dangerous low when the impact of her words seemed to spark something akin to hurt in her former lover's eyes.

"Fi—"

"At least I didn't take Carlos to _our _home," she accused. "I didn't screw him in _our_ bed."

The accusations in her voice seemed to disarm some of Michael's anger and he suddenly looked at her as if he finally understood. Hurt and anger collided, the ammunition it provided her words causing more pain that any wound.

Shaking his head, he tried to tell her that it was never like that. He hadn't purposely set out to hurt her but before he could speak she silenced him with her eyes.

"Your mom is terrified she's going back to prison… and she's blaming all of us for it," she told him through a shaky voice. "You're killing her."

"She doesn't care about me," he told her, straightening upwards and turning cold once more.

Fiona glanced to her side and saw what had caused him to become so unresponsive.

Catching Sonya's eye, she followed the other woman as she moved around to Michael's side and she could already feel the deep seated betrayal lingering over her heart.

"You turned you back on us for HER?" Fiona hissed, her fury building. "Have you forgotten how we met? Have you forgotten how we almost died together?"

"_ENOUGH!"_

Sonya's voice cracked through the air, her voice a warning as she stepped closer to Michael.

"This has _nothing_ to do with _you__,"_ Fiona growled. "You're just the _BITCH_ who poisoned him against his friends."

"No one poisoned me," Michael told her, his eyes boring into hers. "I made my choice."

"So, what we had meant nothing?" Fiona asked him, knowing the impact of her speech would either anger him or bring him back from the brink. "I gave up my family, my life and my freedom for _NOTHING_?"

Michael watched her silently, his eyes losing some of the coldness. But before he could respond, she spoke again.

"Have you forgotten the first time we saw each other when I turned myself in?" she asked him, taking another step closer. "Or when I followed you into that bunker because I wanted to die with you? How about the people we helped and the lives we saved? Was it really all for nothing?"

"ENOUGH OF THIS!"

Sonya pulled her gun forward and aimed it directly at Fiona, surprised that the other woman didn't react. Instead, Fiona dropped her arms down to her sides and regarded the gun solemnly before she lifted her gaze to meet Michael's eyes.

"If none of what we had meant anything, then let her kill me," Fiona told him, keeping her eyes locked with Michael. "Because if you decide Sam, Jesse and me are nothing, then there's no point to any of the hell we've all been through."

Michael stilled, his sombre expression slipping when he focused on the gun pointing towards Fiona's chest. Images from their past flashed inside his mind, cascading through his senses like a step by step picture show. _Their past, their love, their sacrifices all bombarded his confused brain…_ but the second he heard the deadly click of the gun Sonya was holding he pushed all of his thoughts aside to focus on the woman he had loved for so many years.

"You should learn to let go," Sonya's voice was cold and unwavering as she looked upon the woman before her like some inconvenient annoyance. "I'm tired of this."

Stepping forward, Michael shook his head and urged Sonya to lower her weapon, but she was focused solely on the woman before her, daring her to move. For her part, Fiona just stood there, her silent challenge confusing him further. Lifting his gaze to hers, he felt the spark of love that had never died away and he couldn't deny that the defeat in her eyes caused chaos to reign inside his body.

Michael heard his own voice calling out for Sonya to wait, his actions a frantic ploy to prevent another death of someone he loved. Time seemed to slow and his words disappeared into the void as a loud crack filled the air…

The End


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_So here is our second collaboration with the fabulous author and our friend Amanda Hawthorn. This story covers the confrontation on the rooftop at the end of 7.12 & beginning of 7.13. We have each taken a character and written from their point of view but presented it in an integrated story this time. _

_So, to all the burners out there: Thank you for your continued support of Burn Notice Fan Fiction. There seems to be a problem with the email alerts, so check the boards often. There are new chapters aplenty posted. A new chapters of_ Aiden_, _Bed Time Stories_ and_ Puppies, Kittens & Gun Toting Babies_ have all been posted this week, as well as other great stories, so have a read =)_

_**TRUE BELIEVER – Part 2**_

From the helipad there was a clear view for miles around, though much of the roadway was hidden by the trees and bushes surrounding the facility. It was cover that their own men were using to remain hidden in preparation for the fire fight which was about to happen.

Sonya could feel the tension growing in her muscles as she thought about what was about to occur and the sacrifice that the most important man in her life was about to make.

"Here comes James. He's about five minutes out." Michael turned from staring at the horizon to looking at his colleague. "Any sign of the CIA convey?"

"The men out on the road said they drove by two minutes ago," Sonya replied, returning his gaze and wondering if he was filled with as much anticipation as she was. "They'll be here right on time. When James lands, I'll need to get on the helicopter as fast possible. We can only jam the CIA's radar for a short window of time."

The blonde operative searched her companion's face, remembering his abrupt departure to deal with his family and friends earlier and wondering how truly committed he was to their organization and the leadership role that James had bestowed on him. _If James was wrong... _She shook away the doubt.

_James didn't make mistakes. _She had bet her life on that more than once.

_"_Well, I guess this is goodbye." The dark haired man's expression softened. "For now..." he amended, a slight smile on his face.

_This _was what he wanted, he told himself. His friends and family would be safe and the CIA could no longer use them for leverage or dictate what he did with his life. _No more self absorbed politicians sitting dark rooms making rules for other people to follow, giving orders for other people to carry out. _He would do what _he _felt was right_. _

The burst of static from the radio on her waistband captured the blonde's attention and instantly put her on full alert. _If a CIA team slipped through their defenses at such a critical time, it would ruin everything._

"Sonya, this is Cooper at the rear exit. I need to ask you…." The voice cut off abruptly and Sonya felt a jolt of concern. _If something went wrong..._

"Cooper? Cooper…? Cooper, come in… What did you need?" When she got no reply, Sonya looked over to Michael. "I'll go check, make sure there's no problem." And then, before he could reply, she took off.

Michael stood looking at the horizon, watching as James' helicopter and his new destiny approached. There was a part of him that felt badly for what happened between him and Sam, but the older man just didn't understand.

It was over for Sam, he was retired... he should be retired, except Michael kept dragging him into things... well, no more. He had resources now... he had an organization _backing_ him this time instead of trying kill him and his family. _No one else was going to die because of the work he was doing._

His friends could go on with their lives just as they had done while he was in the Dominican Republic, without them getting entangled in his life, without them having to take any more risks or getting hurt. _He would be gone and they would safe..._

Fiona raised her hand to shade her eyes from the sun and looked at the figure who she instantly recognized. Michael's back was towards her, but already she could feel her heart hammering inside her chest when he seemed to sense her presence.

Mr. Westen turned slowly, refusing at first to believe what he was seeing. "Fi…?"

Watching the man she loved, sheer determination shone from her eyes as she held her head up high in a bid to see how he was going to react to her being there. His name slipped from her lips, delicate, yet determined at the same time, "Michael…"

"Fi!"_ What was she doing here? What was she thinking? They had to stay away, she had to stay away from him. _"You can't be here…you have to go NOW!"

Striding towards him, sudden anger fuelled her movements when the hurt she was feeling collided with anger. "Or WHAT, Michael?"

"Look, I told Sam to stay away— You have to—" _Why hadn't they listened to him? Didn't they understand what was at stake here? He had warned Sam, she couldn't _be_ here._ "You all have to stay away. I'm trying to protect you."

"And what about you?" Fiona asked desperately. "Who's going to protect you from making the worst decision of your life?"

"You don't—"_ He couldn't look at her. He had to stay focused. _Michael closed his eyes and dropped his head, gesturing with his left hand, but not meeting her gaze._ She distracted him, she always had. _"You don't understand. I've made my choice. It's too late."

_There, he'd said it. Now she would understand. _He finally returned her stare, those blue green eyes trying to burn their way through his resolve. _It was over between them, she'd told him so herself and now that part of his life was over for him,too. _

Fiona kept his eyes locked with hers, forcing him to see just how much he had always meant to her. "Is it too late for the Michael Westen I fell in love with?" she asked, words spilling from her almost despairingly. "The man who knows what he's doing is wrong?"

_He couldn't do this, not now, maybe not ever. _Michael looked away again,over his right shoulder, hearing and seeing the helicopter that was approaching and then turned back to her. "James is coming. You have to go!"

_She couldn't be here. He had worked so damned hard to try to keep her safe, keep her free and out of prison and now her damned Irish pigheadedness was going to get her killed! _He grabbed her arm and started to pulling her towards the door.

Fury dispersed the worry that was coursing through her when she lashed out at him, pushing against his chest when he tried to move her away. "NO!"

"Fi, you gotta go!" he shouted, hitting the air with his hand again, venting his frustration. "Get out of here NOW!"

He was yelling at her with his mouth, but pleading with her with his eyes.

_ James would give himself up, Strong and CIA would get what they wanted and he would control the organization. The CIA would no longer be a threat to any of them._ _Nothing could ever threaten any of them again once he was in charge. But he wasn't going to be able to keep her safe if she stayed. _

_If something else happened to her because of him..._

Fiona narrowed her eyes and glared at the man before her, hoping that the glimmer she had seen in his eyes meant that it wasn't too late. "Sam told you that someday someone would threaten this organization and you would have to make a choice. Well, that day has come and that someone…is…me."

_Why? Why was she doing this?_ Mike frowned and cocked to the side, looking at her like he had when she'd turned herself in to the FBI. He hadn't understood that then and he didn't understand this now. She had refused to listen to him then and was almost killed in prison. Her refusal to listen to him now was going to get her killed...

_If she was still on the roof when Sonya returned, when James landed, when the CIA surrounded them, when the fire fight started to make it look real..._

As if his thoughts had summoned her, Michael looked up to see Sonya coming through the same door Fiona had earlier. The redhead followed his stare and then turned towards the younger woman as well.

When Sonya had reached the ground and found no sign of Cooper, the man who should have been on guard, her first thoughts had been for James. _If the man guarding the entrance to the helipad was gone, it had to mean the CIA had infiltrated the base. _She couldn't risk the comms. If they had Cooper's radio, their attackers would know they had been discovered.

Rushing back up the stairs, she had come out onto the roof top with her mind already busy running strategies. _Maybe if they acted quickly enough there would still be time for her and Michael to make the plan work._

But instead of finding Michael preparing to "take James into custody," he stood there talking to _Fiona Glenanne.._._?_

"Michael, _what the hell_ is she doing here?" She couldn't believe that he was just standing there. _How could he do this?_ "I thought you said that she wouldn't be a problem."

Fiona glared at Sonya, hatred scorching every single word._ "_Well, he was wrong!"

_How dare that woman interfere!_ Sonya fixed her gaze onto the darker haired, older woman. "I will give you one chance to leave…" She used her index finger to emphasise her point, jabbing in the direction of Michael's ex-girlfriend. "_One_ _Chance!_"

Her furious brown eyes narrowed as Fiona looked away to stare at Michael and she felt a wave of fury wash over her. _This woman, this civilian was going to ruin everything! _"Turn and walk out that door NOW!" She reached behind her back and gripped her pistol.

Michael saw Sonya preparing to go for her weapon, but the significance of it seemed not to register. _This couldn't be happening._ He had done everything in his power to... _He just needed a little more time to make this right, straighten it out_...

Fiona turned her attention from Michael back to Sonya, knowing that if she had any chance to reel him back in, it was now. Lifting her eyes to the man she loved, she kept her gaze focused on him as she spoke. "You know, I think I prefer the view from up here."

Sonya was glaring daggers at her. If looks could have killed, the Irishwoman would have been well and truly dead. _The arrogance of the woman! Did Fiona Glenanne really think she could interfere at such a vital time in their operation and not face any consequences?_ "She needs to be dealt with NOW!"

"Dealt with?" Fiona couldn't believe what she was hearing as she turned her attention back towards the woman who had effectively driven a wedge between them. While keeping her eyes focused on Sonya, she could also see Michael's turmoil out of corner of her eye.

"Yes, dealt with!" the Russian spat. _Why were they even having this conversation?_ _The helicopter was only minutes away, the mission, their future, the sacrifice her beloved James was making for them all... It all depended on perfect timing and this selfish old cyka was NOT going to ruin it._

Fiona glared back the younger woman before turning her attention back to Michael, who seemed to be fighting his own inner demons. She realized that this whole time he hadn't been looking of either of them.

The dark haired man had closed his eyes again, dropping his head down and vainly trying to shut out the voices competing for attention between his ears...

"_No, you don't need me..." the dream Fiona had told him and left him there alone._

_James needed him. James had come back for him. James had offered him a future..._

"_Michael, it's already over..." the real Fiona had told him and walked away from him._

_But Sonya had been there in the loft when he'd come in out of the rain that night._

"_Do you have any idea how much this little operation of yours has cost me?"_

_James had forgiven him...Sonya had forgiven him... but Fiona couldn't forgive him._

"_Do you even care?"_

"I'll show you what I mean!" In one swift move, Sonya drew her weapon and pointed straight at the obstacle to them completing their task.

The sound of her cocking her pistol finally pulled Michael from the trance he had seemingly fallen into as his eyes snap open and his hand reached out towards her.

"Wait, wait… WAIT!" He was blinking rapidly and trying to shake off the conflict in his mind. It had all been so clear to him, the path that he was on, what he'd finally be able to do with his life, how he could do good without interference...and now...

"I told you she was going to destroy everything! We can't let that happen." _James had put his trust in them and because of HER, they were going to fail him._

"I'll talk to her…" _He just had to explain it to her, make her understand. What he'd been fighting for his whole life, to do good, to be part of something he believed, to make sure that they were safe, that no one could hurt them or use them against him ever again, it was right in front of him...he just..._"I just need to figure this out."

_Every spy lives in fear of losing himself. When you work under cover so long, the lines between loyalty and betrayal can become so blurred, so gray, that after a while, you don't know what you're fighting for any more. _

"There's nothing to figure out, Michael. James is coming!" _The time for talking had past, hadn't they done enough for Michael's old friends? Why couldn't they let him go? When James was offering him so much, why couldn't he see these people were just assets?_

Michael kept holding his left hand out towards Sonya, telling her to standby while he worked out how the resolve this conflict.

_On the left was the path he was on... the resources, the ability to act, to right the wrongs of this world, people who would be as dedicated to him he had been to the job, someone who understood that the mission came first, the freedom to do what needed to done...the power that James, who believed in him, would give him..._

"I'll figure this out."

"The CIA is closing in! We have to finish this now!" Sonya demanded. _There is no more time, she will not let everything fall apart. Not now, when they had come so far. She will not lose that life that is so close to being within her grasp._

Michael looked at the helicopter, at his future coming towards him.

_On the right was his past...his friends, his family, Fiona... He couldn't hurt them any more. They couldn't be used to hurt him any more. They were part of his past..._

He glanced at the only woman he had ever loved_... He didn't love Sonya... a part of him he cared for her...but he would never love again. He couldn't..._

"You do what you think is right," Fiona told him as she glanced at Sonya for a second before she looked back at Michael once more, this time not really sure whether she had gotten through to him. "If this is what you want, then the man I love is gone."

_No, that was in the past... She didn't love him now. How could she love him after what he'd done? How could anyone love him? James and Sonya, they didn't love him.. they believed him... in his abilities...in their vision...in what they would do..._

"Michael, think of all the good things we could do. Don't let her hold you back, you have to let go!" Sonya pleaded. _What was so hard? They had a future together, they were going to rid the world of despots. They were going to bring James' vision of world order to life. _"You have to let her go!" _Why was it so difficult for him?_

He was staring at the ground again, but Fiona had to try, hoping that her words would somehow get through to him.

"Michael…look at me..." But as he continued to shake his head and blink, seeing nothing, she knew she had to try again, raising her voice forcefully. "LOOK….AT….ME…"

The younger woman couldn't listen to this any more. _It is a waste of time. If Michael can't or won't do the right thing here, she would do it for him._

"Alright, if you won't do it, I WILL!" Sonya declared.

_You end up caught in the middle, as your friends become your enemies and your enemies become your friends._

Fiona lifted her chin, refusing to defend herself. Instead she watched Michael, who was staring straight ahead. If he really wanted to move on and forget everything they had done together, then she didn't know if she really wanted to stay around in this world and see his ultimate betrayal.

_You don't get to have the girl and the job. She doesn't fit into your future, our future. So why don't you do yourself a favor and forget the past._

Preparing herself for the worst, Fiona held her head up high, forcing her chin outwards as she waited for... something...anything to end this.

_But then there comes the time when you're forced to make a choice._

The loud crack of gunfire echoes momentarily in the morning air, overpowering the sound of the helicopter, the stunned intake of breath, the quiet sigh...

_Fiona is not my past... _

His heart had screamed at his brain and he had finally heard it.

The jolt hit her hard in the back and then an indescribable pain ripped through her chest. Staggering, her gun slipped from her fingers and clattered to the ground. Unable to speak, she turned slowly on unsteady legs which buckled beneath her and, as she sank to the ground seeing no emotion the blue eyes of her betrayer, all she can think about is that she has let down the one man who means the world to her.

Michael stood there with his arm fully extended, still holding the gun trained on the woman who had crumbled into a heap before him, still watching the single gunshot wound slowly ooze blood onto her grey T-shirt. _There had been two holes before..._

Fiona's eyes flew from Sonya, who suddenly collapsed and had now closed her eyes, to Michael, who was staring at the woman with a blank expression. His eyes had glazed over and his face was empty, he was still somewhere else. But she knew that they didn't have much time before all hell broke loose.

Michael slowly lowered his arm, still gazing at the gun. _He had shot her with his left hand... he was right handed... how... why... had he shot her with his left hand? _Now he was eyeing the redhead before him with that same vacuous look.

A guard appeared on the roof and Fiona raised her gun with lightning speed, shooting the man before he can even return fire.

_Fiona Glenanne had saved his life... again... She had come for him... again..._

Looking at the guard she had shot, Fiona glanced across at Sonya's body before she caught Michael's eyes, relieved to see the man she had fallen in love with once more.

Suddenly, he meets her scrutiny with awareness, giving her a half smile and cupping her cheek.

_She had saved him when he didn't deserve to be saved. But that didn't stop him from being grateful for it._

He grabbed Fiona's hand and they ran off the roof, away from Sonya's body, away from James' helicopter, away from the biggest mistake of his life that he had almost made. _He had to get her to safety._

And nothing was more important than that.


End file.
